'You guys are C*mmies?? So why am I seeing rudimentary free markets?'

Continuing with a grand tradition of never using a proper noun where a hedged reference will do, see if you can guess where I am now:

"Hello, I am a completely sterile flowering tree."

Its symbol is a flower called the 'Bauhinia Blakeana' and it is the second system of the 'one country - two systems' concept.

The who;e city is like Manhattan without the architectural self-restraint. With no Brooklyn to expand to or even a Jersey to house the workers it has to go straight up. The population density is incredible and allows for whole streets in which the first three floors are restaurants, shops, and services. Above that are the people and offices. And not just tall buildings. The city goes right up a freaking mountain. Ground level on the North entrance could be six stories below ground level on the South side.

You got vertigo? You, my friend, are fucked. The most fun so far has been on the elevated walkways and escalators. You can step out and be 100' off the ground in three quick strides. It's like living in 'Super Mario Brothers' (that's an antique video game, kids).

I only have three days here and then I'm off. We traveled here to visit her parents for Christmas, which of course made Mom a mite sad (Sorry Mom, but I'm horse trading this for good things, I promise). Her parents are actually living on the mainland in a city I keep getting told 'is just like Cleveland if it had 12,000,000 people'. I spent a solid week looking for a guide book and only found one . The city has more people than some nations and yet the country is so big it's a total after-thought. Let's see how this goes

Posted by pngd at 8:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

You can't PNG me. I quit!

Suggestions were made to me at the beginning of the year that went something like this: "You're going someplace neat. You should write home about it". For the last few months I've been home and back at work so I haven't been writing.

I left in a hurry and finished my last checklist (more goddamn badges) a few hours before sealing my suitcase. There were a few loud noises and some important people made silly decisions but thankfully, nothing big enough to slow my roll. I got to select and train my replacement. I introduced 'em to my colleagues and our contractors. I did a last run through the international ghetto, drank myself into a quick stupor, and hopped on a plane. No goodbyes that I didn't have to. I'd like to come back and besides: I'll see 'em all again. And if I get lucky I'll work with them. The world’s too small not to.

I don't see a lot of hope but as long as my colleagues can keep working, they will. And as long as they keep working there's a chance things could get better. Hell, there's a chance I'll get hit by a bus and wake up looking like Rupert Everett. It could happen.

I came back home to keep doing the same job I'd been doing before I left. This time I knew everyone who called and wrote, I'd been to the places I heard about, and I knew how to fix the problem before even hearing the end of the sentence. The job was easier, I was more productive, and I've never been more bored. So I'm headed back to school to get an MA in 'Shit Done Blowed Up - Whatchu Gonna Do Bout It?' and be yelled at by people who definitely know more than I do. If I'm lucky this means I'll be able to go right back into the same line of work for a little more cash and a lot more blame.

Hopefully I'll get to work and travel during the semester breaks. And if I do, I'll write about it. So on with the show

Posted by pngd at 7:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

It's not atrophy. It's targeted wait loss.

A wise scary old man once told me his favorite piece of advice. He was starting a new job with lots of travel and 100 hour weeks. The boss called him in and said "This job is a marathon. And if you aren't in shape you won't finish. Make sure you take the time to exercise and stay healthy"

Despite the fact it was given in the late 1700's it's still good advice. The way we live is incredibly restricted and the work we do is desky, computery, meetingy stuff. I run around more than anyone else on my team and I'm still not covering more than 10 blocks in a day. There's access to gyms and you can always do crunches push-ups and what not in your room. But you haven't got much free time and traveling anywhere is a hassle.

Without further ado: I love you crappy stationary bike.

You make my knees ache less and keep my back from seizing up while I'm typing. You're as adjustable as a brick chimmeny and you shake like a parkisons patient and have the resistence of a fratboy's rohypnol'ed date. But despite all your obvious and inexplicable flaws you reduce atrophication and midnight muscles spasms. And as soon as I get home I'm never going to think about you again.

-PNG

Continue reading "Sedentarianism" »

Posted by pngd at 12:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Duck and cover. Or scream and pray. Totally a personal choice.

There are three regular annoyances for civilians in the IZ, (besides the lack of miniskirts, social drinking, and cloud cover) : Big Booms, Fast Booms, and High Booms. Or: Bombs, Rockets, and Mortars. The latter two are the featured artists in our percussion band. We know of bombs but we aren’t usually anywhere near them. They appear on the horizon like mushroom after a rainstorm. But less poetic and with more unjustifiable carnage. Guns aren’t really an issue. It’s only when someone gets overstressed and twitchy that you have to be careful. Just like back home..

Tip 1: Big Booms and Random booms. If you only hear one >BOOM< there will probably be more later. Like earthquakes. There'll be more until they stop. Carefully make your way to shelter.

Tip 2: Fast Booms. If you hear a screech followed by a boom >schhhhhhreeeeeeBOOM<. Then it’s landed close but not on top of you. Immediately visit your old reliable buddy Mr.Ground. The big danger is secondary debris flying past.*

Tip 3: High Booms. If you hear a sound like the bastard offspring of a shotgun and a big red rubber ball then you’ve got mortars coming in. As soon as you hear >DOMP< (usually two at a time: >DOMP< >DOMP<) You should move quickly to shelter. You’ve got between 20 seconds and a minute before anything dramatic happens. That's plenty of time to stop gaping like a gaffed fish and find really good shelter.

Trick: Determining good shelter. If you don’t have a designated shelter (unacceptable!) you should find an interior room with no windows or glass. It should have at least two layers between you and the scary outdoors. Most of the annoyances are designed to punch through one layer and then spray their contents against the second layer. So at a minimum you want to be in an interior room on the ground floor of a two story house.

Phrases Not to Exclaim:

- Oh God! (This smacks of blasphemy and panic. Only for clergy. Avoid)
- Incoming! Seek Shelter! (Stop playing WWII videogames. Avoid)
- Help! (This should be saved for when you really really need it. Avoid)
- Missed me! (Yes, but they’re going to try again. Avoid)
- A shooting star! (You’ve just failed the Darwin test. Context matters. Avoid)

Phrases to Use:
- Bastards! (Confrontational and directed, if impotent)
- Shit. (Very popular. Can’t go wrong)
- Let’s all go inside. (Can’t ruffle your feathers, can they?)

- Who wants a beer? (My hero)

-PNG

Continue reading "When the revolution comes will you know what to do?" »

Posted by pngd at 3:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)